The Last Vacation

I started this post back in December.  I thought I was going to add things but I didn't.  So I just posted it like it is.
Well this past weekend, me, Stephanie, our blueberry, and Stefanie and Doug Curtiss went to Gatlinburg.  This was the last time we will be able to go by ourselves and do whatever we want.  We had a great time but wish we could have stayed longer.  Hard to believe that this time next year I will have a 5 month old.  WOW.  Well after we got home, we found out that our blueberry has now become a grape.  Listen folks, I do not like comparing a baby to something you can eat.  From now on I will be comparing it to something that is not eatable.  So right now my wife has a marble growing in her.  Yes a marble.  Next week I think it get to the size of an ping pong ball.  We will see.
Well I learned lesson #1 today.  When a woman is pregnant, she can be a little crabby.  Yes people, crabby.  She will say she doesn't get that way but she does.  You have to just make the best of it and move on.  Don't argue with her on wither or not she is. No matter what, you will not win this argument.  I have the solution to this problem.  If you are a male and have a baby coming soon from your loving partner, you have to make a calender. This is not an ordinary calender. This is called the "Bitch Calender".  What is this calender, I will tell you.  You make a calender for nine months.  This is the calender for the entire pregnancy.  You will have roughly 279 days available.  During these 279 days, you will mark everyday that a crabby session happens.  You will allow her to have ONLY 150 days of crabbiness.  Now before you start saying this is not fair, let me explain.  This allows her more than half of the days to be crabby.  This is also giving 31 days a month including February (if February is included in your nine months).  Also, most of the time you will not find out she is pregnant until she is for a month or so.  This gives here another 31 days to be crabby.  So I don't want to hear anything about being unfair.  So you mark the days she is not a happy partner and when this is all over, you can show her what you went through.  I'm sure she will say she wasn't bad, but  you can now show her.  I'm sure all of my guy readers are saying, "yes this is a good idea" and all of the female readers are saying this is wrong.  If you are a female, saying this is wrong, and are pregnant, this is a mark on your calender.